She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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