i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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