umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
