I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
