Kiss
Puke
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize