i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
