Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Randomize
