why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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