the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
