How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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