YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
