Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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