I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
