He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize