Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
