is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I want a musical about memes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
