we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
