I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
