my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
