So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
