Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
