There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
