Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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