have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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