You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
