9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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