I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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