I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
