I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
