We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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