did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
