I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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