youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
