Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
