so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
