Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
