Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
