remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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