PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
