I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
