My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
