Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
