omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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