so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am spending my child support on dildos
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
