how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
