There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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