omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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