My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
