Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
