btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize