ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
