Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize