she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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