I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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