You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
