Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
