Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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