We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You were trust falling into bushes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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