if i can run in heels then i can drive
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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