i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the condom got lost in my hair
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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