Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
