i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
