Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
