I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
