I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
