Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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