Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
