Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize