Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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