Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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