I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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