Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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