We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
