would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
