Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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