she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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